.....But for some reason "Keepin' it REAL" just seemed fitting.
As Mommas it's are job and absolute delight to brag on our babies, to talk of their sweetness and how much better our lives are with them in it(because it is). In fact I personally feel a responsibility to protect my son's reputation-if you will, but after these last several days of feeling defeated and weakened, tired and anxious and somewhere deep down brokenhearted, I now know that I know, it is okay to be vulnerable and just keep it real.
It all began this past Friday when Breck woke burning up with a fever of 103° and sick for the first time in his little life. Friday and Saturday I spent snuggling my listless boy(whom usually is active, active, active-so the snuggling part was certainly not a burden), praying healing over his body and alternating between doses of tylenol and motrin to help with discomfort and fever. Sunday he woke once again with a fever and with Justin having the day off, he insisted we take him in to see the on-call doc just to be sure he wasn't developing an ear infection, which he hadn't-thankfully.
Then Monday came.....oooh Monday and oooooh Tuesday and well Wednesday too, you guys were rough on me.
Monday the fever was finally gone and we were left with a mild runny nose and an occasional cough or sneeze, but he was extraordinarily fussy, nothing seemed to soothe him. I should also add that the night before he woke several times which was strange. He sleeps 8pm-7am every night and has been for well over a month. So with an entire day of him screaming and I do mean an entire day of screaming/squealing/whining, I felt defeated. I prayed and prayed over him and myself that God would strengthen me and give me patience, that he would take away whatever it was that my boy was struggling with. It felt like such an attack. Finally 8pm came and bathed and donned in pj's, it was bed time for Breck. Once again he woke several times in the night crying and screaming, and the only solution was to nurse and a little dose of motrin. *Thank GOD for breastfeeding!*
Tuesday came and it was dreadful, awful....just awful. He cried. I cried. It was Tears-Tuesday at The Heiman's. So at one point after all of my usual tricks of the trade had failed and I was still left with a miserable babe, we got in the car for a ride. I had his favorite jazz cd playing, windows cracked just a tad to create the beloved "white noise" and he had his favorite toys. Still, he screamed and I cried. It was then that I called the doctor's office to see if one of their locations might have an opening with anyone and they did, and about an hour after calling we had already been seen and had left the office, with what felt like nothing. I thought surely he had developed an ear infection with his sudden waking in the night and screaming days, and absolutely no sign of a tooth breaking through, after nursing him, changing him, playing with him, car rides, walking, singing, praying with no success....he had to have an ear infection. Nope. Just Roseola from the fever he had had.
Wednesday came with another night before of him waking, but I guess you could say it was an itsy-teensy-bit better than the previous days, but certainly not great.
Justin and I have come to the conclusion he must be in the midst of some sort of growth spurt. It must be just a mixture of being sick, growing, changing and I'm sure teething is setting in shortly......
Today is Thursday and its a new day. I am conquering it the same as the days before, by clinging to Jesus and holding on to the notion that this will end. One day he will be over this and I will have my Breckie boy back.
As Mommas we love our babies, we brag about our babies, but we also go through challenging and changing times with our babies and it's okay to just keep it real and admit that it's frustrating and heartbreaking when you can't comfort them or soothe their frustrated little bodies. It's in those times that I pray you can be vulnerable and vent to a dear friend, cry it out on your teammate's shoulder, and let Jesus be the lifter of your head and your ultimate source of joy.
Monday the fever was finally gone and we were left with a mild runny nose and an occasional cough or sneeze, but he was extraordinarily fussy, nothing seemed to soothe him. I should also add that the night before he woke several times which was strange. He sleeps 8pm-7am every night and has been for well over a month. So with an entire day of him screaming and I do mean an entire day of screaming/squealing/whining, I felt defeated. I prayed and prayed over him and myself that God would strengthen me and give me patience, that he would take away whatever it was that my boy was struggling with. It felt like such an attack. Finally 8pm came and bathed and donned in pj's, it was bed time for Breck. Once again he woke several times in the night crying and screaming, and the only solution was to nurse and a little dose of motrin. *Thank GOD for breastfeeding!*
Tuesday came and it was dreadful, awful....just awful. He cried. I cried. It was Tears-Tuesday at The Heiman's. So at one point after all of my usual tricks of the trade had failed and I was still left with a miserable babe, we got in the car for a ride. I had his favorite jazz cd playing, windows cracked just a tad to create the beloved "white noise" and he had his favorite toys. Still, he screamed and I cried. It was then that I called the doctor's office to see if one of their locations might have an opening with anyone and they did, and about an hour after calling we had already been seen and had left the office, with what felt like nothing. I thought surely he had developed an ear infection with his sudden waking in the night and screaming days, and absolutely no sign of a tooth breaking through, after nursing him, changing him, playing with him, car rides, walking, singing, praying with no success....he had to have an ear infection. Nope. Just Roseola from the fever he had had.
Wednesday came with another night before of him waking, but I guess you could say it was an itsy-teensy-bit better than the previous days, but certainly not great.
Justin and I have come to the conclusion he must be in the midst of some sort of growth spurt. It must be just a mixture of being sick, growing, changing and I'm sure teething is setting in shortly......
Today is Thursday and its a new day. I am conquering it the same as the days before, by clinging to Jesus and holding on to the notion that this will end. One day he will be over this and I will have my Breckie boy back.
As Mommas we love our babies, we brag about our babies, but we also go through challenging and changing times with our babies and it's okay to just keep it real and admit that it's frustrating and heartbreaking when you can't comfort them or soothe their frustrated little bodies. It's in those times that I pray you can be vulnerable and vent to a dear friend, cry it out on your teammate's shoulder, and let Jesus be the lifter of your head and your ultimate source of joy.
Just let Him love on you so that you can love on them.
In love,
Court
awww my sweet sister in Christ. You are doing such a wonderful job with Breck. Make no mistake it is the most important job you will ever have and it is non stop 24/7. So many times I was where you are but I hadn't yet given myself to Jesus and felt it was some kind of punishment, now I know so much better:) Call me and I will pray with you. I think this is an important time for Breck too because he is learning no matter how bad he feels or how much of a fuss he is making Mommy and Daddy just keep loving him. You and Rebecca need to get together sometime, she too has had these days. Blessings and Prayers....Aunt Diane
ReplyDelete